maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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