Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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