i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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