She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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