I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dignity is for republicans.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
