no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
