I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
