Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
