Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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