what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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