i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
