Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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