Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
