But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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