Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
