You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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