I need help removing her.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
