Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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