I've blown a few things in my day
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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