i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
