Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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