dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You made out with two different species that night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
