New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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