You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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