I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
