260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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