loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
