There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
