why didn't you poke me back
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
