I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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