eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
How does one acquire holy water?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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