I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
