States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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