how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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