All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
