Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
