My ATM looks so different sober.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
