So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
