she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
