Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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