I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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