So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
