weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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