Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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