oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
