Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
