I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You can't special order awesome
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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