bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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