I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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