and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
