What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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