I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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