A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
