That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
now i know why i became what i already was.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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