So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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