so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
