6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
