My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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