Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
