I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
