I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
