i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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