if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think people are normalizing furries
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
