I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
