he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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