So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
