after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i out mim tonsoeep
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