Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i want to swaddle you in tequila
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Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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