did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
