If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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