Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
