We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
